Quick-fire Questions and Answers

Q) Why do boys fall asleep after sex?
A) Because boys suck. And something to do with prolactin and other chemicals which make us feel sleepy. After sex should be snuggly-talky time, which it is for me and my lovely wife, but contrary to popular belief I don't control the entire male populace of the world. Sozzeh.

Q) Why are boys silly?
A) Because it is built into our braaaaaaaaaains, BRAINS I TELL YOU. <-- See.

Q) How is Batman so comfortable running around in rubber?
A) Lubricant. Lots and lots of lubricant.

Q) How are you?
A) Very well, thanks.

Q) Why do boys like blow jobs so much?
A) Because it feels good? I think it's a pretty unfair deal to be honest, you're on your knees with your head around his waist in some fashion, pleasuring him until he finishes, then it is up to you to clean up while he basks in the satisfaction. Unfair, or what? I'm with the girls on this one.

Q) What do boys expect on a first date?
A) The main thing we expect is that you turn up; and that you don't reek of wee. After that, you're on easy street. Boys expect nothing, but will accept anything. If you offered sex, 90% would take the opportunity with both hands. If you offer him a food hamper or a television he'll take that too. But that doesn't mean we expect it. In fact it would probably make us like you less in the long run (not the food hamper bit - that would be genius).

If we expect anything on a first date, it'll be some form of kiss. He'll know the onus is on him to make the move, so keep your eyes peeled for an awkward lunge. There's no obligation to kiss him back, but if you don't he might assume you're not interested. There's also nothing to stop you moving in for the snog if it feels right - frankly it will save him a lot of bother. And it's sure to work... providing - as discussed - you don't smell of wee. I'm sure you don't, though.


And with that, I finish.