LONG OVERDUE

Here comes a bumper edition of 'Ask Ant', because it's been a while.

For the people who sent in questions, and for Carly. <3

If my bf spends hours with a "mate" does that mean he's cheating?

Yes, definitely, is the answer to this.

In fact, from what you've told me, I'm pretty sure this so-called "mate" is your bf's homosexual lover. And given the vagueness of this term "mate", I think we can safely assume that the homosexual lover in question is Steve McFadden, the Eastenders hard man. I mean, how could it not be? Well done for catching your bf out.

Hopefully you've deduced that I'm being a facetious jerk which I'm only doing because your question seems rather ludicrous. Unless you're certain your bf has no mates, I can't work out why you're suspicious.

Boys love spending hours on end with their mates; listening to music and playing video games and searching for animal porn. Just because you're his girlfriend, you can't expect him to ditch them, or even to spend less time with them. I think you just need to chill.

Having said all that, this doesn't mean he's not cheating.

I'm assuming there are other reasons you suspect your bf is up to no good. If you're unsure about this "mate", at least find out which mate it is. Just ask some more questions. Grill him. He'll either put your mind at rest, or crack under the pressure.

And if it does turn out the cheeky blighter is enjoying candlelit dinners with Phil Mitchell, just don't say I didn't warn you.

Do boys like it when girls wear lipgloss?

Right, don't tell me. Which one is lipgloss?

Is it the same as lipstick? Or is it something you put on top of lipstick to make it shiny? I reckon it's either that, or it's an alternative to lipstick: a shinier, glossier version of lipstick. It must be one of those two, right? Or it could be just another name for lipstick.

I'll be honest, I'm not sure. And I'll wager that a large proportion of boys aren't sure either.

Boys do appreciate nice lips on a girl. But my hunch is that nice lips would look nice even if there wasn't any lipgloss on them.

That's the thing about make-up. We don't quite get it. You could spend three hours slapping pretty gunk onto your mush just to impress us - and we wouldn't notice a thing. We'll just assume we're looking at your normal face, which is the point I suppose.

I'll try to answer your question anyway. I don't think boys have anything against shiny lips, so the answer to your question is probably yes: boys do like lipgloss, as long your lips aren't so shiny that we can see our face in them (although this could be useful if we need to do our hair).

I apologise for being unhelpful, but there is really no glossing over the fact that I am quite ignorant in this area. Once I find out exactly what lipgloss is, I'm almost certain to start wearing it myself.

Do boys have emotions?

You've made a common mistake here, which is to confuse boys with insects.

Insects don't have emotions. They just eat, poo and chase lady insects, without ever really thinking about it. OK, so they are quite similar to boys. But really, boys have all the same emotions girls do, they just don't show them as often.

Take the most obvious display of emotion: crying. Girls are massive cry-babies. They literally cry if they break a fingernail. Sometimes they even cry on purpose if it suits them.

But if a boy cried in public, other boys would beat him up, which would make him cry even more, which would get him beaten up again, and so on.

There are only three acceptable reasons for a boy to cry: if someone dies, if he gets shot or if he accidentally drops crisps. It is unacceptable to cry due to minor physical pain, during soppy films or for anything to do with a girl.

This doesn't mean we don't often feel like crying, or that we don't do it in private. Personally, I spend most of my free time at home in tears.

The same goes for other emotions. Boys are just as likely to get emotionally attached to a girl they like. They get equally jealous or insecure or elated. But to show it would just seem a bit girly.

In extreme cases, boys might make such an effort to conceal their emotions that they even succeed in hoodwinking themselves. Then they'll be sad and they won't even know why. Even an insect wouldn't be that stupid.

With boys and bugs, to find out what's really inside, you need to look beyond the hard exterior.