Saturday 23 February 2008
Saturday 16 February 2008
i need some more interesting things to happen in my life so i can blog about them
Travelled for ninety
Minutes to get there, only
to find, it's cancelled.
Yep, so our team had a big(well, huge, really) cup game against Folkestone Invicta who are... 4 divisions above us, I think. Maybe more, whatever. We got there to discover they'd decided to cancel the game because the pitch was frozen solid - us not being wusses we decided to have a knock-around anyway, which was pretty fun.
I'm reckoning Folkestone are pretty much lame after this, didn't even have the thought to give us a call before we actually got there, noobs.
Let's all point the finger of shame.
Shame on you, Folkestone Invicta, shame on you.
Anywho, our new sponsorship for the club is awesome, and we all got our new kits today =) it's AMAZING. we all have matching tracksuits with the logo on as well and everything, it's brilliant. Also: apparently it's against the rules to play a penguin in a football game - no fair =( silly FA rules. But it is rules that keep us together.
If we didn't have any rules, where would we be? France.
If we had too many rules, where would we be? Germany.
If we had rules where a coked up alcoholic fat cheating midget was our national hero, where would we be? Argentina! Never forgive, never forget.
Also: if you liked that haiku at the beginning(I won't be surprised if you don't, it was awful) and you are not Carly, then head on over to http://seventeensyllables.wordpress.com for a (mostly) daily slice of haiku. Even if you didn't like it, go over there anyway because they're good. Unlike mine. :\
Moral of the story: Folkestone is lose, Carly are win.
Minutes to get there, only
to find, it's cancelled.
Yep, so our team had a big(well, huge, really) cup game against Folkestone Invicta who are... 4 divisions above us, I think. Maybe more, whatever. We got there to discover they'd decided to cancel the game because the pitch was frozen solid - us not being wusses we decided to have a knock-around anyway, which was pretty fun.
I'm reckoning Folkestone are pretty much lame after this, didn't even have the thought to give us a call before we actually got there, noobs.
Let's all point the finger of shame.
Shame on you, Folkestone Invicta, shame on you.
Anywho, our new sponsorship for the club is awesome, and we all got our new kits today =) it's AMAZING. we all have matching tracksuits with the logo on as well and everything, it's brilliant. Also: apparently it's against the rules to play a penguin in a football game - no fair =( silly FA rules. But it is rules that keep us together.
If we didn't have any rules, where would we be? France.
If we had too many rules, where would we be? Germany.
If we had rules where a coked up alcoholic fat cheating midget was our national hero, where would we be? Argentina! Never forgive, never forget.
Also: if you liked that haiku at the beginning(I won't be surprised if you don't, it was awful) and you are not Carly, then head on over to http://seventeensyllables.wordpress.com for a (mostly) daily slice of haiku. Even if you didn't like it, go over there anyway because they're good. Unlike mine. :\
Moral of the story: Folkestone is lose, Carly are win.
Wednesday 13 February 2008
oo, carly.
opera - no hope!
My brother's history teacher(/my amico) is dashing, knowledgeable and likes opera.(and is straight)
KTHXBAI.
KTHXBAI.
do boys really find skinny girls unattractive
Cameron Diaz: no thanks. Nicole Kidman: pass me the sick bucket. Keira Knightley: stop texting me. Okay, I'm being silly, there are plenty of lovely skinny chicks around.
Some boys prefer slim figures, but that doesn't mean you should start sticking your fingers down your throat every time you eat a cheese sandwich. We like curvy girls too - and anything in between. What I'm saying is, we're not fussy.
Boys are miffed when girls obsess over their weight. You might slate lads for being immature and stuff, but boys think there's nothing more stupid than girls crying over fluctuations in their body mass.
It's stupid if you're doing it for boys because we don't even notice! It's like cooking a beef stew for a vegetarian, or writing a love letter to a spider. They just won't appreciate it.
Clearly, there's such a thing as too skinny. If boys picked an ideal weight for a girl, it wouldn't be size zero or anything resembling it. Boys prefer some shape - so the "as-thin-as-you-can-possibly-get" look is never going to be a wise one.
But ridiculous unnatural extremes are the only things a boy will find really unattractive, whether it's a bag of bones or a wobbly blob weighing over 6000000lbs.
If you're just naturally small, lucky you. And if you're naturally big, lucky you too. And if you're Keira Knightley: seriously, stop texting me.
Some boys prefer slim figures, but that doesn't mean you should start sticking your fingers down your throat every time you eat a cheese sandwich. We like curvy girls too - and anything in between. What I'm saying is, we're not fussy.
Boys are miffed when girls obsess over their weight. You might slate lads for being immature and stuff, but boys think there's nothing more stupid than girls crying over fluctuations in their body mass.
It's stupid if you're doing it for boys because we don't even notice! It's like cooking a beef stew for a vegetarian, or writing a love letter to a spider. They just won't appreciate it.
Clearly, there's such a thing as too skinny. If boys picked an ideal weight for a girl, it wouldn't be size zero or anything resembling it. Boys prefer some shape - so the "as-thin-as-you-can-possibly-get" look is never going to be a wise one.
But ridiculous unnatural extremes are the only things a boy will find really unattractive, whether it's a bag of bones or a wobbly blob weighing over 6000000lbs.
If you're just naturally small, lucky you. And if you're naturally big, lucky you too. And if you're Keira Knightley: seriously, stop texting me.
Tuesday 12 February 2008
children + swimming pool = chaos
1 child = fun
2-3 children = brilliant
4-6 children = manageable
9 children or more = MADNESS
2-3 children = brilliant
4-6 children = manageable
9 children or more = MADNESS
Monday 11 February 2008
eventful (hysterical?) day
oh, matteo. how much of a fool you are.
for those not in the know, matt's my brother. and is possibly the daftest person in all existence ever. ...seriously, ever.
right, the day starts off easily enough, i went over to my mam's, where rosa(my cousin) and annie(rosa's girlfriend/partner) are staying, and we hung out for much of the morning, before i got a call from my brother, asking if i was around and wanted to help out at a nursery for a bit of a laugh. i figure what the heck, and decide to do it, and boy am i glad i did.
okay, we get there without a hitch, and are introduced to the nursery manager and other helper people, and get given name tag things, and we go meet some of the kids. within 5 minutes, matt's jacket has been stolen by one of the girls called alice, and thus begins the spiral of downward events.
2) matt discovers the water bottle in his bag has burst, soaking the entire bag and it's contents... including his iPod and phone. ouch. so he puts them out on the heater to dry them out, and we investigate the damage done during lunch, where matt manages to somehow drop his phone, iPod and phone memory card into a bowl of gravy.(3)
4) annoyed by this point, matt decides to forget about the electronic ruinage and just go play with some of the kids, and we settle down to a game of crab football, where matt manages to kick a ball straight into one of the kids faces, thus meaning he gets absolutely SLATED by many of the children for being a bad person.
5) moments later, the aforementioned alice is up to mischief again, and becomes obsessed with pulling down mine or, preferably, my brother's shorts. she succeeds on matt. several times.
6) 6 or 7 children manage to tackle matt to the floor... on solid concrete.
7) matt manages to break my bike, meaning i am relegated to receiving a backie on his, where i proceed to lose balance and pull back on him a little, meaning he slips from the seat and gets a thorough rubbing from the back-wheel on his buttocks.
8+9) still sore, we manage to get home and try to fully distinguish the extent of the damage to iPod and phone. the outlook's not good, neither will turn on, and matt has many, many contacts and pictures/videos/other things on his phone, but thaaankfully, they're backed up on the (once gravy-soaked) memory card. oone problem... it doesn't fit into any phone around, mine, laura's, my parents, my cousin's, or annie's. uh-oh. but wait! we have a card-adaptor lying around, what's this? something going right for once? ...no. it fits into my phone (yay) but we can't access the contacts on there... uh-oh. and we also can't connect my phone to the computer to look at the data on there. uh-oh.
10[+11?]) matt is fuming by this point, and decides he's going to go back to his friend dan's house, and use dan's old phone. he decides to go walk there, a mission in itself, in shorts. within a moment or two, he changes his mind due to the ridiculously cold temperature outside. he comes back in, looking for his bag which has his trousers(which he spillt gravy on) only to discover that they, too, have been soaked from the water incident.
12) peeved off at this point, he heads off upstairs to get a pair of spare trousers, which he then can't button up, at which point he exclaims "why is everything going wrong today? i am annoyed"
so. yeh. today has been eventful, and i've pretty much been in hysterics all day with matt.
what a character he is.
i'm sure there's more things that went wrong too, but those are the ones i can think of.
for those not in the know, matt's my brother. and is possibly the daftest person in all existence ever. ...seriously, ever.
right, the day starts off easily enough, i went over to my mam's, where rosa(my cousin) and annie(rosa's girlfriend/partner) are staying, and we hung out for much of the morning, before i got a call from my brother, asking if i was around and wanted to help out at a nursery for a bit of a laugh. i figure what the heck, and decide to do it, and boy am i glad i did.
okay, we get there without a hitch, and are introduced to the nursery manager and other helper people, and get given name tag things, and we go meet some of the kids. within 5 minutes, matt's jacket has been stolen by one of the girls called alice, and thus begins the spiral of downward events.
2) matt discovers the water bottle in his bag has burst, soaking the entire bag and it's contents... including his iPod and phone. ouch. so he puts them out on the heater to dry them out, and we investigate the damage done during lunch, where matt manages to somehow drop his phone, iPod and phone memory card into a bowl of gravy.(3)
4) annoyed by this point, matt decides to forget about the electronic ruinage and just go play with some of the kids, and we settle down to a game of crab football, where matt manages to kick a ball straight into one of the kids faces, thus meaning he gets absolutely SLATED by many of the children for being a bad person.
5) moments later, the aforementioned alice is up to mischief again, and becomes obsessed with pulling down mine or, preferably, my brother's shorts. she succeeds on matt. several times.
6) 6 or 7 children manage to tackle matt to the floor... on solid concrete.
7) matt manages to break my bike, meaning i am relegated to receiving a backie on his, where i proceed to lose balance and pull back on him a little, meaning he slips from the seat and gets a thorough rubbing from the back-wheel on his buttocks.
8+9) still sore, we manage to get home and try to fully distinguish the extent of the damage to iPod and phone. the outlook's not good, neither will turn on, and matt has many, many contacts and pictures/videos/other things on his phone, but thaaankfully, they're backed up on the (once gravy-soaked) memory card. oone problem... it doesn't fit into any phone around, mine, laura's, my parents, my cousin's, or annie's. uh-oh. but wait! we have a card-adaptor lying around, what's this? something going right for once? ...no. it fits into my phone (yay) but we can't access the contacts on there... uh-oh. and we also can't connect my phone to the computer to look at the data on there. uh-oh.
10[+11?]) matt is fuming by this point, and decides he's going to go back to his friend dan's house, and use dan's old phone. he decides to go walk there, a mission in itself, in shorts. within a moment or two, he changes his mind due to the ridiculously cold temperature outside. he comes back in, looking for his bag which has his trousers(which he spillt gravy on) only to discover that they, too, have been soaked from the water incident.
12) peeved off at this point, he heads off upstairs to get a pair of spare trousers, which he then can't button up, at which point he exclaims "why is everything going wrong today? i am annoyed"
so. yeh. today has been eventful, and i've pretty much been in hysterics all day with matt.
what a character he is.
i'm sure there's more things that went wrong too, but those are the ones i can think of.
Sunday 10 February 2008
do boys really think about sex every 7 seconds?
Well. If that was true, we wouldn't be able to complete a sentence without... hmm, tits...
...er. right. sorry. but... well, from the moment we're old enough to realise our schlong is for more than 'going wee-wee', we're keen to put it to use. In other words: we want sex.
And this topic is on our mind a lot. But the seven-second claim is just a silly statistic, it makes us sound like pathetic morons completely controlled by our knobs. And that's only partly true.
Doing maths homework, watching Match of the Day, visiting our Nan - we can perform these tasks for hours without drifting into the land of filth. The rest of the time - hands up, we admit it - we've got active imaginations. And the breast, I mean best, thing is that no one can tell.
But that doesn't mean our minds are a never-ending fuzz of sordid thoughts. Can you imagine? We wouldn't be able to walk in a straight line. No, it's more likely we'll get a funny tingle from a pretty face, or a whiff of the perfume our ex used to have.
So, it's not good spying on a boy with a stopwatch and trying to figure out when his thoughts get naughty - you sicko! It can happen anytime... Tits!
Help me.
...er. right. sorry. but... well, from the moment we're old enough to realise our schlong is for more than 'going wee-wee', we're keen to put it to use. In other words: we want sex.
And this topic is on our mind a lot. But the seven-second claim is just a silly statistic, it makes us sound like pathetic morons completely controlled by our knobs. And that's only partly true.
Doing maths homework, watching Match of the Day, visiting our Nan - we can perform these tasks for hours without drifting into the land of filth. The rest of the time - hands up, we admit it - we've got active imaginations. And the breast, I mean best, thing is that no one can tell.
But that doesn't mean our minds are a never-ending fuzz of sordid thoughts. Can you imagine? We wouldn't be able to walk in a straight line. No, it's more likely we'll get a funny tingle from a pretty face, or a whiff of the perfume our ex used to have.
So, it's not good spying on a boy with a stopwatch and trying to figure out when his thoughts get naughty - you sicko! It can happen anytime... Tits!
Help me.
male genitalia
i suppose, if you're a girl, it's difficult to imagine having a cock and balls.
my advice? don't even try.
Having a willy is ace, but it is, undoubtedly bizarre, and comes with it's own set of problems. Many of these problems are related to space and ... fitting things in, down there, so to speak. For example: imagine putting on your (under)pants every morning, then stuffing a big bag of fruit pastilles down there. That is a tight squeeze.
So if you see a boy fiddling with his package, don't worry, it's -normally- not a sexual thing. It is purely for sorting out matters of comfort. There's a lot of movement down there, lots of swinging, and bumping and, if you're unlucky, chaffing. There's also lots of direct contact with boxers and zips and, if you're lucky, thighs. Occasional adjustments are a necessity. It's like trying to pack an extra toilet bag into a suitcase that's already full. Plus: tight jeans are no fun, and there are some very tight jeans on the market these days. It's a wonder Russell Brand can get so much use out of his.
Granted, it's not very hygienic or endearing, and I can't condone boys doing it in full view of the world. But the fact is, putting one's hands down one's pants is rather comforting. It's a sensitive area, and we'll do pretty much anything to keep it safe. It's like a mother cradling a baby. When boys say that they are 'just checking that they're still there' it's not that far from the truth.
...on that note, I must stop typing immediately.
my advice? don't even try.
Having a willy is ace, but it is, undoubtedly bizarre, and comes with it's own set of problems. Many of these problems are related to space and ... fitting things in, down there, so to speak. For example: imagine putting on your (under)pants every morning, then stuffing a big bag of fruit pastilles down there. That is a tight squeeze.
So if you see a boy fiddling with his package, don't worry, it's -normally- not a sexual thing. It is purely for sorting out matters of comfort. There's a lot of movement down there, lots of swinging, and bumping and, if you're unlucky, chaffing. There's also lots of direct contact with boxers and zips and, if you're lucky, thighs. Occasional adjustments are a necessity. It's like trying to pack an extra toilet bag into a suitcase that's already full. Plus: tight jeans are no fun, and there are some very tight jeans on the market these days. It's a wonder Russell Brand can get so much use out of his.
Granted, it's not very hygienic or endearing, and I can't condone boys doing it in full view of the world. But the fact is, putting one's hands down one's pants is rather comforting. It's a sensitive area, and we'll do pretty much anything to keep it safe. It's like a mother cradling a baby. When boys say that they are 'just checking that they're still there' it's not that far from the truth.
...on that note, I must stop typing immediately.
hi.
okay. things have been a little crazy past week or so.
read: coming to terms with last saturday's post. o.0 cryptic.
also, work has been a bit hectic, as i haven't been for quite a few weeks and need to get back on track with things, which is a lot more difficult than it should be. and it's annoying because i have all new people to work with (as uh, 'patients'? and there's a new physio) and i miss some of the old ones i had, some of them were loads of fun and i hope i see them again, hopefully outside of the physio world, as that would mean they're injured again! and yeah, the new physio guy is pretty cool though, about my age (21, 22 i think, i didn't ask) and newly qualified, he's from hull so has a funny accent but is otherwise coolio.
allllllso: big surprise yesterday, my cousin rosa turned up because she couldn't come for the wedding due to work commitments and stuff (she's a journalist for some newspaper in verona), and will be hanging around for a week or two, which is good because we can really catch up. i haven't seen her for almost a year, i think, and not really talked to her for 2 or 3, and she's loads of fun which is great. also: she came with her girlfriend(read: wife/partner, but italy doesn't approve very much of same-sex marriage/civil union) who is also a bundle of fun and ah. omg. she's SO pretty(not as pretty as Laura, thankfully =D) but ee, she's seriously pretty though. rosa's pretty much gorgeous too, but i don't think i should say that because she's my cousin? :\
so. yeah. awkward.
...bye.
read: coming to terms with last saturday's post. o.0 cryptic.
also, work has been a bit hectic, as i haven't been for quite a few weeks and need to get back on track with things, which is a lot more difficult than it should be. and it's annoying because i have all new people to work with (as uh, 'patients'? and there's a new physio) and i miss some of the old ones i had, some of them were loads of fun and i hope i see them again, hopefully outside of the physio world, as that would mean they're injured again! and yeah, the new physio guy is pretty cool though, about my age (21, 22 i think, i didn't ask) and newly qualified, he's from hull so has a funny accent but is otherwise coolio.
allllllso: big surprise yesterday, my cousin rosa turned up because she couldn't come for the wedding due to work commitments and stuff (she's a journalist for some newspaper in verona), and will be hanging around for a week or two, which is good because we can really catch up. i haven't seen her for almost a year, i think, and not really talked to her for 2 or 3, and she's loads of fun which is great. also: she came with her girlfriend(read: wife/partner, but italy doesn't approve very much of same-sex marriage/civil union) who is also a bundle of fun and ah. omg. she's SO pretty(not as pretty as Laura, thankfully =D) but ee, she's seriously pretty though. rosa's pretty much gorgeous too, but i don't think i should say that because she's my cousin? :\
so. yeah. awkward.
...bye.
Wednesday 6 February 2008
Polizia
"In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say "Stop, or I'll say stop again.""
Things get complicated when knives and the welfare of my wife get involved.
Ant 1. Would-be Mugger 0.
Sunday 3 February 2008
Saturday 2 February 2008
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