How do I know if I'm coming on too strong?

Imagine you're in a pet shop, choosing a kitten.

(Ponder that thought for a bit. It's fun...)

One kitten bowls straight up to you and starts nuzzling your leg and purring. It's so affectionate and playful and cute.

Behind is another kitten. It sits staring nervously at you with its kitten cat eyes (like puppy dog eyes but on a cat). It's so timid and vulnerable and cute.

Which one do you choose?

There's no right answer. Different people go for different things. That's why it's tricky to know how to act around lads.

Girls are a lot like kittens: pretty and sweet, fun to touch but difficult to talk to.

Boys like it when girls throw themselves at them, but it can be more fulfilling to pull a girl who seemed like a challenge.

So there's a delicate balancing act between playing it cool and chasing a boy through the streets in your underwear shouting: "I love you, sexy bum!" (I use this example because it happened to me last week).

The good news is that if a lad really likes you, you'd have to do something pretty drastic to put him off, like punch a kitten. So by all means flirt outrageously.

The bad news is that if you offer yourself on a plate, a boy might just take advantage of your easiness, even if he doesn't like you much.

But at least coming on strong normally settles matters, one way or another. If you flash your baps at a boy and he runs away, chances are he wasn't interested and you can move on (providing he doesn't report you to the police).

Just remember that some people will pick the shy kitten, leaving the leg-nuzzling outgoing kitten without an owner, on the streets, licking out the sticky remnants of empty drinks cans just to survive.

I'm sure that won't happen to you though.

LONG OVERDUE

Here comes a bumper edition of 'Ask Ant', because it's been a while.

For the people who sent in questions, and for Carly. <3

If my bf spends hours with a "mate" does that mean he's cheating?

Yes, definitely, is the answer to this.

In fact, from what you've told me, I'm pretty sure this so-called "mate" is your bf's homosexual lover. And given the vagueness of this term "mate", I think we can safely assume that the homosexual lover in question is Steve McFadden, the Eastenders hard man. I mean, how could it not be? Well done for catching your bf out.

Hopefully you've deduced that I'm being a facetious jerk which I'm only doing because your question seems rather ludicrous. Unless you're certain your bf has no mates, I can't work out why you're suspicious.

Boys love spending hours on end with their mates; listening to music and playing video games and searching for animal porn. Just because you're his girlfriend, you can't expect him to ditch them, or even to spend less time with them. I think you just need to chill.

Having said all that, this doesn't mean he's not cheating.

I'm assuming there are other reasons you suspect your bf is up to no good. If you're unsure about this "mate", at least find out which mate it is. Just ask some more questions. Grill him. He'll either put your mind at rest, or crack under the pressure.

And if it does turn out the cheeky blighter is enjoying candlelit dinners with Phil Mitchell, just don't say I didn't warn you.

Do boys like it when girls wear lipgloss?

Right, don't tell me. Which one is lipgloss?

Is it the same as lipstick? Or is it something you put on top of lipstick to make it shiny? I reckon it's either that, or it's an alternative to lipstick: a shinier, glossier version of lipstick. It must be one of those two, right? Or it could be just another name for lipstick.

I'll be honest, I'm not sure. And I'll wager that a large proportion of boys aren't sure either.

Boys do appreciate nice lips on a girl. But my hunch is that nice lips would look nice even if there wasn't any lipgloss on them.

That's the thing about make-up. We don't quite get it. You could spend three hours slapping pretty gunk onto your mush just to impress us - and we wouldn't notice a thing. We'll just assume we're looking at your normal face, which is the point I suppose.

I'll try to answer your question anyway. I don't think boys have anything against shiny lips, so the answer to your question is probably yes: boys do like lipgloss, as long your lips aren't so shiny that we can see our face in them (although this could be useful if we need to do our hair).

I apologise for being unhelpful, but there is really no glossing over the fact that I am quite ignorant in this area. Once I find out exactly what lipgloss is, I'm almost certain to start wearing it myself.

Do boys have emotions?

You've made a common mistake here, which is to confuse boys with insects.

Insects don't have emotions. They just eat, poo and chase lady insects, without ever really thinking about it. OK, so they are quite similar to boys. But really, boys have all the same emotions girls do, they just don't show them as often.

Take the most obvious display of emotion: crying. Girls are massive cry-babies. They literally cry if they break a fingernail. Sometimes they even cry on purpose if it suits them.

But if a boy cried in public, other boys would beat him up, which would make him cry even more, which would get him beaten up again, and so on.

There are only three acceptable reasons for a boy to cry: if someone dies, if he gets shot or if he accidentally drops crisps. It is unacceptable to cry due to minor physical pain, during soppy films or for anything to do with a girl.

This doesn't mean we don't often feel like crying, or that we don't do it in private. Personally, I spend most of my free time at home in tears.

The same goes for other emotions. Boys are just as likely to get emotionally attached to a girl they like. They get equally jealous or insecure or elated. But to show it would just seem a bit girly.

In extreme cases, boys might make such an effort to conceal their emotions that they even succeed in hoodwinking themselves. Then they'll be sad and they won't even know why. Even an insect wouldn't be that stupid.

With boys and bugs, to find out what's really inside, you need to look beyond the hard exterior.

Can a boy love two girls at once?

Hmm, well it depends what you mean by love.

I'd say there are all sorts of levels of love. Level 2 might be the love you feel for a pet goldfish or a favourite flavour of crisps. Level 20 is the kind of love that inspires people to get engaged and write bad song lyrics. It's the levels in between that cause problems.

Don't get upset, but I reckon the Levels Theory (which, admittedly, I have just invented) makes it possible for boys to love at least two girls at once.

Most people will fall in love more than once in a lifetime. Some people do it more than once a year. But you love people different amounts - and for different reasons. One girl might have a big heart (levels 11-15); another might have a big swimming pool (levels 4-6).

All these levels make it quite common for boys to love exes and girlfriends and other people's girlfriends all at the same time. But there will always be one girl he loves more than the others. So it doesn't really matter, as long as that's the girl he's with.

You might argue that the lower levels of love (e.g. crisp love) aren't really love at all - and you might be right. But they could still feel like love. Ideally, you'll all meet boys that love you at level 20, making all other love incidental, but that rarely happens, and love levels take time to grow to there.

But to increase your chances, it wouldn't hurt to get yourself a swimming pool

Why do boys do stuff with girls they don't really like?

Stuff. The most ambiguous word in the English language.

I wonder if you mean general stuff - like going to the cinema or playing Snap or breakdancing. If so, a boy wouldn't want to do these things with a girl he didn't like.

Playing Snap - for instance - is good, but it's better with someone you like. Otherwise your opponent would annoy you and lessen your enjoyment of the game and you'd want to throw cards at their head but couldn't because it would be inappropriate. That's pretty straight-forward.

Or are you talking about other kinds of "stuff" - like kissing and touching each other's legs? This is different.

Boys can wait for the right Snap partner to come along. But opportunities for "stuff" might not be so plentiful.

In fact, they might be so treasured that boys will snap up virtually every one they get. There's a term for this: desperate.

Plus, boys like girls in two very different ways: as people, and as objects. Even if we think a girl's an idiot, we'll happily put this to one side if they're an attractive object, for the sake of "stuff".

So we'll actually be doing "stuff" with the object, rather than the person. Shocking, I know.

So to sum up: a boy won't play Snap with someone he doesn't like, but he will let them touch his legs.

If you want to find out if a boy actually likes you as a person, challenge him to a game of Snap (or other general stuff) before doing "stuff" stuff.

If he's only after one thing: you can tell him to get stuffed.

MEMORIES

good times. <3

Haikus and Shoes (or: they're like works of art for your feet!)

Manolo Blahnik,
Crazy, overpriced shoes, but
For you: it's worth it.

For seriously,
I'd be more than happy to
Get you some. Visit!


<3

XX

AIEE!!

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

OMG.

OMG.

WIN.

Pixie Madness

PuppyFun ftw!

Is it okay to be mates with a guy you used to date?

In theory, guys you used to date could be brilliant mates. And centipedes could be brilliant footballers. In theory.

The harsh reality is that centipedes are embarrassingly bad at football, no matter how many legs they've got. And it can be hard to stay friends with an ex, no matter how much you like them. An amicable break-up is always preferable to a bitter shouting match that ends with you letting down the tires on his car. But often the end result is the same. you lose contact.

Even if you intend to be friends, it's all too easy to drift apart. Plus you have to contend with the green-eyed monster. I mean jealousy, not the gigantic mutant moth that lives inside my wardrobe. If you can handle seeing your ex with his tongue inside another girl's face, fine. But a more common reaction is a sudden urge to let down the tires on his car. And maybe tamper with the brakes while you're at it.

This is a shame, because there are various advantages to keeping an ex sweet - damage limitation for one. If you're still mates he's less likely to spread rumours, or tell people about your weird obsessive phobia of moths.

But more importantly, your ex knows you better than most - and a good friendship is always worth fighting for.

Staying friends with an ex is definitely ok but, like teaching centipedes the offside rule, it's easier said than done.

!

Sex.
Is.
Awesome.

Also: Sex and the City.